Monday, October 3, 2011

Cartographically Challenged

As of recent, there have not been any challengers to the throne Kenny Diehl occupies. However, Kenny felt the need to step his game up.

Simply amazing, the amount of motivation has at the age of 21. However, neither he nor his companion can match The Mayors standing on helping the homeless in The City. Never before have I seen a man keep his word with such sacrifice to his own health.

It must be noted that after spending so much time downtown this summer, there may only be like five homeless people Kenny may be helping. Let's talk about 'em.

1. The mute (or just won't talk, this issue is still up for debate) guy who has been seen near Scott's Mom's Work, The Spot Known as Scott's Mom's Work (Which Isn't Where Lynn Sharba Actually Works At). The Mayor seems to have a bond with him, and told him if he was ever seen again, The Mayor would procure a substance for him. And he did. You can hear him from blocks away, yelling "Woooo", like a ghetto owl. He has been documented on video in Kyle Eby's Rough Ryderz, dancing at Hart Plaza, and working at a parking lot waving cars in.

2. The woman who needs money to catch the bus back to Alabama tonight who has been raped and assaulted... Who I've seen back in 2010 and has given me this story at least four times. WBS would like to state that we empathize with victims of assault, just not when they are caught at Kerns stealing Scott Sharba's phone and act like they were gonna hand it to you. Beware, she's been spotted at Kerns, near the Magestic/Magic Stick and at Scott's Mom's Work (known to you lay-people as the "Bird Shit Banks") generally late at night. If seen, watch your phones and roll your eyes at this crackhead, and try not to feel sorry.

3. The guy who was at one point "With Rita". This guy is fucking awesome. The first time I saw him he was pushing a shopping cart filled with random shit he was trying to sell at Chase. One of these items he procured to The Mayor, asking him what it was. When The Mayor informed him it was in fact a router, the man asked if he "wanted to route it". Another item that he had (somehow) managed to find/buy/steal was a miniature of The Puffy Shirt from Seinfeld. He informed us that the woman next to him was Rita, and her name is Rita because she can read. Recently, he took a photo of me for the background of a cell phone he had gotten from a woman who apparently died. I have no idea how but this guy was seen on foot on Wayne States campus AND at chase on the other side of the city.

4. The guy who was seen near Cass Tech crossing the street who uttered to no one in particular (spewing a solid month or two of me and The Mayor saying) "If you need me, don't ask." I have no idea if this guy is even alive anymore.

5. Bird, from Heaven. Bird and The Mayor apparently have a ganja session in the making. Bird was seen talking shit with an unidentified male at that new ledge spot in the middle of the city that we call Heaven, which features a "huge" four stair (five if you are Greek), a "small" three stair, a few flat gaps, numerous roaches, a bike cop that is the whitest black guy ever who oddly enough doesn't remember kicking me, The Mayor, and the whitest kids out two days in a row, and a ledge that would be fucking amazing if you could actually approach it easily. I digress however.

6. Bonus! There's a few guys who I don't see often enough to have any good stories of that could actually be one person as I don't remember faces that well, which is included below.

"Ain't said SHIT since I been gone." (to no one)
"Who said that? Shut up." (this is the best, as it was uttered across the street from Kerns when there was no one else near him)

7. BONUS! The Guy The Mayor Referred to in a previous post! This guy has been seen at that hot ledge spot by Comerica, trying to help the veterans by selling toothpick American flags... Then when The Mayor, Mr. Zone 6 and I told him we had no cash, he took them back, then told us his cousin was selling bags of weed for strange prices ($7 bags?). If we had no money for "The Veterans", we definitely don't have two singles and a five for "That kush!", asshole.

Thanks always for reading, and continue telling people about the blog.

Also, for the cartographically challenged, here is the distance from that spot in your video about skating in Detroit, to the actual city of Detroit.

Dearborn is not Detroit.

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